Welcome to Surrogate Partner Therapy
Andrew Heartman is a cofounder of the Surrogate Partner Collective and a Certified Surrogate Partner with 12 years experience. He's currently practicing in the San Francisco Bay area and willing to travel to other locations. Potential clients and therapists are invited to contact the SPC or IPSA (the International Professional Surrogates Association) for an independent verification of his credentials.
I have been home and reintegrated into my routine for a little over a month and am already experiencing profound changes. I learned more about myself and my potential in one SPT intensive than I have in 47 years of life. I no longer am merely existing to raise my son, surviving to see what the next day will offer. I am now 100% committed to living, not giving up, and to embracing all it is that makes me who I am. I’m not letting the demons of my childhood or young adult life control my future.
I learned that vulnerability is beautiful, and leads to deep connection. I learned that I can quiet my inner critic by giving her a name, by showing her respect and asking the same respect of her. She is part of me, yes, but she cannot control me any longer. I learned that showing emotion is acceptable and does not lead to rejection, and it is so nice to allow someone to comfort and support me during emotional moments. I learned I am quite attractive, inside and out, just as I am, even with a few extra pounds.
Those who know me best, including my long-term therapist, have observed a positive change in me. I am empowered, more confident, and able to communicate more openly. They can see I feel a true sense of hope and purpose. My relationship with my son, great before, is even stronger. This is by far the best investment I have ever made for, or in, myself.
Imagine a five-year-old being told by her mother, "Do whatever he tells you."
These were the words I heard as my Mother left me in the care of my uncle. Hours later he told me that “we” needed a nap. I protested and again he reminded me of my Mom’s order. This predator proceeded to molest me and at times lay on top of me. I remember his stinking breath, his grunting noises, and the pain and bleeding. I also remember the horrific feeling that he was crushing me and I couldn’t breathe.
I have been aware that many things trigger the horror of that day. Throughout my life, including thirty years of marriage, I had always panicked when a man put his weight on me. I have relived the fear, the loss of power, and the absolute horror of not being able to breathe. At times I could manage this by continuously repeating in my mind “You are ok. He is not going to harm you.”
It is now 64 years later. As a result of my experience with Andrew Heartman I have been gifted with a new knowledge and I now have control of this. I felt very safe with Andrew, probably because I knew that Andrew had no agenda of his own, and that he was there only to support me. Before, I always had to convince myself that I was safe—to talk myself into it. But with Andrew I was able to experience that I am safe, and this experience transformed not only how I relate to men, but to the world in general. I found I had the confidence to attempt and achieve many things in the world that I had been afraid to before. I have gained the wisdom that I can choose, freely and powerfully, and this has unshackled me from a prison that spanned 64 years.
I am now free to choose a relation without “Uncle G.” in the bed. My thanks to you, Andrew.
Copyright © 2010–2023 Andrew Heartman